hush little baby
by DennisDaMenace
Summary: 'How could we have not noticed? Are we really that self centred? Or are we absorbed in our work that we don't notice things about the people we spend more time with than our own families? Or did she just try to keep her head down and keep it under her hat? Well, it worked.' - Kirsty/Warren back story, sort of AU. Rated T for domestic violence.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The song is Hush Little Baby - Wretch 32 ft. Ed Sheeran.**

**A/N: A little different from my other ones. This ranges from 1994 to 2011. It says when the dates are. I also don't know the date for when the abuse was 'revealed' so I'm just gonna go with the aired date.**

**Also, I know that it wasn't like this for them, but I wrote the first two bits before 'Before the Fall' aired, so consider all up to the **_23rd July 2012_** AU.**

**DDM x**

* * *

_Hush little baby  
Don't you cry  
I said hush little baby  
Don't you cry  
I said hush little baby  
Don't you cry  
No  
I said hush little baby  
Don't you cry_

* * *

**13th July 1994**

* * *

Kirsty Webster; read her text books as he snook up behind her.

"Boo!" he whispered in her ear, threading his arms around her waist.

"God, Warren!" she said, placing her hands on his.

"How was biology?" Warren asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear her voice.

"Interesting, but I'd much rather be with you," she said, turning to face him and meeting her lips with his.

"How was double maths?" she asked, her eyes still locked with his.

"Okay, I got a B on the paper, enough to get me a decent end of year grade," he told Kirsty, in between kisses.

"Good for you," she said.

He linked his fingers with hers and they walked to the canteen. The corridor was covered in posters for the end of year dance, "Blame it on the Boogie".

"Do you want to come to the dance with me?" Warren asked her, nodding towards the posters.

"Yeah," she looked at her watch, and started to walk away. "Sorry Warren, I've gotta go."

"Why?" he asked, keeping hold of her arm.

"I've got to see my mum, she's in the hospital."

She always was a good liar.

"You're lying. I can see it in your eyes, they're glazed over," he said, tightening his grip on Kirsty's arm.

"Warren, let go!" she said, trying to pull away, but he kept a hold of her.

"Not until you've told me the truth!" he snapped.

"I'm seeing my mother, Warren. Can't you believe me for once?" she asked, pulling her arm away from him.

"You're cheating on me!" he spat, pushing her against the wall.

Onlookers gave them funny glares, but he stared back, the anger in his eyes must've been starting to show because they almost ran away in fear.

"You tell me the truth, else you're gonna regret it!" Warren urged, but she stared at him, her eyes darting everywhere, she was truly scared, petrified of him.

"Warren! What the hell are you doing?" she asked, trying to struggle away.

Then it started.

He hit her, slapped her across the face. She didn't scream or cry out, only stood there; shocked at what he'd done.

He was shocked too, he didn't know where it had come from, but his father hit his mother sometimes; he believed in 'firm discipline'.

"I'm going," she said, backing away from him, wiping the blood from her lip. And he let her go.

* * *

_I'm saying hush little baby  
Don't you cry  
Daddy ain't sure he can raise you right  
I ain't even good with saving my money  
Why should I think I could save your life  
The whole family's gonna think I'm a devil  
Cuz I don't want to see my angels eyes  
I say this with one hand on my heart  
Guilt ain't gonna make me change my mind  
My first thoughts were the worst thoughts  
Running round my head in circles  
The world's gonna hate me for saying this  
But patience is a virtue  
So we don't have to rush  
For our first yute  
We can take time do rehearsals  
And I ain't acting, this is personal  
And I ain't doing this just to hurt you_

* * *

**One** **week** after he hit her for the first time, he took her to the dance. After, they went to a club, and got drunk. He woke up in the morning in his house, but next to him lay Kirsty, her head on his chest, and his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him.

* * *

**Three** **weeks** had passed, and Warren had just found out that Kirsty was pregnant. With his baby. After that, they'd gotten back together.

* * *

**Five weeks**, and her parents had thrown her out, disowned her because she was pregnant at 16.

* * *

**Ten weeks** and he took her in. They lived in a little estate, just off the town centre. She was staying with him; they'd bought a house, a nice two bed-roomed place, with a huge view of Holby.

* * *

**Fifteen weeks**, she had cravings; black grapes and cheese and tomato sandwiches. Strange, he thought; she never ate much, even when she was pregnant.

* * *

He took her out bowling, she was **seventeen weeks**, about, and she said she didn't feel well. She ran to the toilet, and threw up. He followed her, rubbing her back and telling her it'd be okay.

* * *

**About twenty five weeks**, and Kirsty was sat in front of the TV, she said that she had a sort of stomach cramp. She thought it was just a pregnancy thing, Braxton Hicks, but then she started bleeding.

She told him to call an ambulance, but he didn't want them putting tubes and pipes into her. She was carrying his baby.

He took her in the car; she was extremely pale, not complaining, but just ever so quiet.

When they got to the hospital, he got out of the car and ran around to her. He asked, "Can you stand?" she shook her head, and said that she felt faint.

He unbuckled her, and picked her up, carrying her up the steps and through the doors.

"Hello? Anyone here? My girlfriend, she's bleeding! Anyone?!" he shouted. A doctor in a white coat emerged and showed them the way.

* * *

_I should say goodbye before I say hello  
So darling hold me closely tonight  
Because if you open your eyes I'll never let you go  
Moving slowly we'll both sleep tonight  
And I'll just be dreaming till you wake me up  
_

* * *

**23rd February 2005**

* * *

She placed down her counter on the 100 mark, once again triumphant. "I win again!" she cried.

"How do you do it?" her father asked, moving behind her to swiftly tickle her to death.

"Dad!" she squealed as he grabbed her under the arms.

"Tell me your secret," he growled playfully, making Nita giggle.

"I'm just lucky - or really good at snakes-n-ladders," she bragged.

Kirsty walked in, seeing Warren and Nita wrestling on the carpet, and smiled. There weren't many moments like this in their family.

"Okay, break it up, kids," she smiled, walking over and helping Warren up off the floor. Nita smiled at her mother, who smiled back, and hugged her shoulders tightly. "Go get your pyjamas on, love," Kirsty said, and Nita went upstairs after hugging her dad.

Once Nita had left, Warren spun Kirsty around and kissed her softly, hugging her close.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"What for?" she asked, puzzled at his kindness.

"For being a total prick last night," he hung his head, and looked truly sorry for what happened.

"It's okay," she said, cupping his face with her hands to make him look at her. "Warren, I asked for it, don't blame yourself."

"No!" he shouted. He looked at her. How could she stand there and say that him hitting her was okay?

"How can you say that? I hit you!"

"I still asked for it," she said, she kept defending his 'bad' side. "You were agitated, and I made it worse by not doing what I was told."

"How is it okay, though? I hurt you!" he said again. "I know I get angry, but there is no excuse for me hitting you!" he told her, pulling her close.

"Kirsty, I don't wanna hurt you like I always end up doing. I want to change, and I know I can, I just need you to tell me what I do is wrong. I can't change without a good telling off!" he laughed, burying his head in her hair, breathing in her scent; vanilla and shampoo.

"Okay," she agreed.

* * *

_When I'm telling her about raving  
She's telling me about cravings  
I want her to just get the message  
I don't wanna have to be so blatant  
So I told her my life ain't balanced  
Yeah  
So the time ain't right  
She said God's clocks the only one that matters  
And it's about time I tried  
And if I listen to my family  
Then they'll be a new addition to my family  
I can't help feeling peer pressured  
Everybody's looking down but  
They don't understand me  
And everyone's so suggestive  
I'm getting mixed messages  
But nobody's rang me huh  
I'm saying this ain't a game  
But when I say the wrong thing  
Everybody wants to hang me_

* * *

**One week **after he told her he'd stop, he hit her again.

* * *

**Three weeks **after he told her he'd stop, he threw her against the wall.

* * *

**Five weeks **after he told her he'd stop, he knocked her unconscious.

* * *

**Ten weeks **after he told her he'd stop, he cut her head and bruised her ribs - trip one to the hospital, St. Mary's.

* * *

**Fifteen weeks **after he told her he'd stop, he sprained her wrist - a trip to a different hospital, of course, this time Holby ED.

* * *

**Seventeen weeks **after he told her he'd stop, he strangled her until she passed out - no more trips to the hospital.

* * *

**Five months **after he told her he'd stop, he broke her arm. The break was a spiral fracture, and was all the more painful. Six weeks in a cast, done at St. Mary's.

* * *

_I should say goodbye before I say hello  
So darling hold me closely tonight  
Cause' if you open your eyes I'll never let you go  
Moving slowly we'll both sleep tonight  
And I'll just be dreaming till you wake me up_

* * *

**23rd July 2011**

* * *

"Well, I can't be sure, I mean she has got a head injury, but, yeah I think there could be a Phsyc issue here."

"Right. Because this would be preferable to an actual case of abuse?"

"Sorry, what's going on?"

"Just... step into my office," he said, pulling the cubicle curtain back. "Look, it seems to me like you want this girl to be lying."

"Why would I want that?" she asked, defending herself.

"I don't know, maybe she reminded you of what happened with Warren, and that upsets you."

Her expression went stiff. "This is not about me and Warren."

"Maybe you just don't think it's that big of a deal. I mean some guy hits you at work and you just shrug it off."

"Oh right, yeah, 'cause there's a connection!" she said, her tone laden with sarcasm.

"I'm just saying: has it occurred to you, that maybe Warren did such a number on you that you've come to see this as acceptable." Adam sighed.

A pause filled the air. "You think I accepted what Warren did to me?" Her face expressionless.

"I don't know." He said. "Did you?" He walked out of the cubicle. Stunned, Kirsty followed him.

"Don't walk away from me." She moved in front of him to stop him from ending the argument on his terms. "Do you think I asked for it? That I went home every night, got in Warren's face and said 'Go on, hit me?' You think I asked for fifteen years of that?"

Adam looked up to try and avoid her gaze, but saw the stunned looks on Tess, Zoe and Linda's faces. Following his eyes, Kirsty turned round.

"Yeah, sorry." Tess spoke into the phone. "Thank you." She put the handset back on the receiver.

"Oh..." Kirsty sighed, and went to walk out of reception.

"Erm..." Tess said after a pause. "Social services came back to us. Harry Reynolds is on the sex offenders register." She said directly to Adam. Kirsty sighed, closed her eyes and ran out of the department.

* * *

_Gotta get out. No, keep it together. I pushed through two nurses who were walking the opposite way. I would have said sorry, but I needed to get out of there before I had a breakdown. Sighing, I faced the ED exit again. How could I have let it get to this?_

_I headed over to my battered silver car. We had to buy this one to replace the blue one that had to go in a garage before Christmas. It would have cost more to repair it than to buy another. I rested my head on the car, feeling the cool metal on my forehead, somehow calming me slightly._

_I took my keys out of my pocket and opened the door. Getting in, I shut the door and leaned back in the chair. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply. I could smell him. The faintest smell of the cheap Asda shampoo he used and his aftershave. He had worn the same aftershave since we had Nita._

_I felt the barrier break and the tsunami consumed me._

**_I had been strong for far too long._**

* * *

_I said hush little baby  
Don't you cry  
I said hush little baby  
Don't you cry  
No  
I said hush little baby  
Don't you cry_

* * *

She got out of the car. Still sobbing she tried telling herself to stop. Slowly, she gained some strength again. She heard footsteps, not bothering to look where they were approaching from, she shut the car door and leaned back against it.

She looked up and sniffed, seeing that it was Tess approaching, and tried to regain some form of composure.

"Well, that should give them something to talk about." Kirsty sniffed as she felt Tess's hand on her shoulder.

"I didn't realise." The older nurse said. "I'm sorry Kirsty."

"Oh, don't be." Kirsty shook her head. She didn't need pitying. "Kept it under my hat pretty good."

"How bad was it?" Tess asked, unsure she should be asking such a delicate question.

"Wasn't great." She paused. "Still," Kirsty sniffed again and turned to walk off. "He's not here anymore, is he? So, problem solved."

Tess stopped her by holding onto her arm gently. "Hold on," Kirsty looked at the older woman. "Just because Warren's gone, doesn't mean it's over." Tess sighed. "Are you talking to anyone about this?"

Kirsty scoffed, thinking the other woman was absurd. "No. Wouldn't think it'd be me needing therapy..." she half-heartedly joked.

"You don't need a therapist to talk."

* * *

"I just don't get it." The younger woman said, looking at Tess. "Why isn't everything alright now?"

"You can't go through years of abuse and expect everything to be normal right away." Tess explained.

Kirsty sighed. "Fifteen year old kid. Comes in here. Pours her heart out, and I don't even believe her..." she doubted herself.

"You had your doubts. Any professional would." Tess defended her.

"No," Kirsty shook her head, "No, no, no. Adam was right." She looked directly at Tess. "I was looking for a reason to doubt her. I wanted her to be lying."

"Why would you want that?" Tess asked, softly. Kirsty could feel herself getting close to breaking down again. She didn't want to look weak.

"Because she reminded me of how I used to feel." She choked. "Like a victim." As soon as she finished the sentence, she let the tears cascade down her face again. Tess awkwardly put her hand on Kirsty's shoulder, but pulled her in for a hug instead. Tess needed to get Kirsty to open up to her.

As the tears soaked through her fleece, Tess wondered, _how could we have not noticed? Are we really that self centred? Or are we absorbed in our work that we don't notice things about the people we spend more time with than our own families? Or did she just try to keep her head down and keep it under her hat? **Well, **_she sighed, **_it worked._**

* * *

_I know I should say goodbye before I say hello  
So darling hold me closely tonight  
Cause' if you open your eyes I'll never let you go  
Moving slowly we'll both sleep tonight  
And I'll just be dreaming till you wake me up_

* * *

**A/N: sorry if that was a little depressing, and also my deepest apologies for not updating any sooner, but GCSEs are taking over my life. **

**I will attempt to update all my stories over half term, so that's 'You're the One', the new chapter 2 for 'Reversed Perspectives', one for 'Time for a Change', and I will try to get my new story, 'Like Toy Soldiers' up as well. **

**Wow.**

**DDM x**


End file.
